Let me set the record straight. I am aware that my children (and husband) are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. I don’t have to be the only one to do the dishes, laundry, and dusting. I could pass off the housework I do every day as many parents and wives do. They do it under the auspices of “training the children” or “I’m not the only one around here that can do the dishes or make a sandwich!”
I enjoy taking care of my family. I take pride in my “work”. I love having a clean house to my specifications without having to cajole another into doing what I want done.
I’ve never trained my children to do anything. I’ve only treated them the way I would want to be treated. I want the dishes done, so I do them. I want the beds made, so I make them. I want the house fairly tidy, so I tidy it. I don’t harass others to do it for me under the guise of training them to do it for themselves. When I do need help, I ask politely for it and they usually jump in to assist. Everyone has their own tolerance for cleanliness and order. When it is their house, I’m fairly certain they will do for themselves. And when they are married and parents themselves, they will treat others the way they were treated.
Recently, I’ve seen proof that this system is working. A couple months ago, I was very sick. My family took care of me, making me soup, getting me water, doing the dishes and laundry. They have started to notice when I’m feeling a tad overwhelmed and ask what they can do to help. A few weeks ago, I had to leave home for several days to care for my own mother who was very sick. It was the longest I had ever been gone. My family kept up the house, the animals, and themselves very well. When I got home, it looked like I had never left. They were very relieved not to have to do it anymore when I got home, maybe a little grateful for what I do. They feel the love I put into everything I do for them.
They are not spoiled brats. They are not incapable of doing for themselves. They are loved and cared for and they know it. My home is usually peaceful, although I do have my own tantrums at times. It’s not perfect but it is good enough for us.