This is the next chapter of my story. To read the previous chapter or to start at the beginning, click HERE.
June 17 – Thursday
Last month, I had put my name on the list of people willing to help with Vacation Bible School. Today a woman from church called and left a message about a meeting tonight at 7:30om and I really didn’t want to go after hearing what my friend told me. I just feel so abandoned. I thought about it all afternoon and decided that I should go. I said I would and backing out now would only make them think they are right in what they have decided not to do.
So, I went, and C came with me. We are going to have the 2 and 3-year-old group together. But I haven’t told you the best part! The deacon that the Pastor told me to talk to about my arrest was there. I have been trying to get in touch with him, but I haven’t had a chance to talk with him in person. Well, I knew it was him when I saw him, but I’m so shy. I couldn’t bring myself to walk up and introduce myself. I went and talked to the vacation bible school leader about what exactly I had to do with my group of kids and she told me that the person to talk to would be the deacon and his wife. I had another reason to walk up and talk to him! They started to lay out what we were going to do and when. And when they were done, I told him who I was and we talked about the case. I told him that I had already hired a lawyer and who he was. The deacon reassured me that I was doing what I was supposed to and how things were going to proceed. Wow! Talk about God intervening on my behalf. Talking with him, although he didn’t offer any help other than to confirm what I already knew, was really what I needed today. I feel so much better and I was feeling terribly anxious today. Five more days until I go to court.
June 18 – Friday
Mom and Grandpa took us to the Huck Finn Festival. They boys were so weird today! Every morning, they get up around 5am and I give them a cup of warm chocolate milk. Today, they got up and fell asleep again, sippy cups in hand. They woke up again at 8am when we had to get ready for Grandpa to pick us up. Once we got in the car, J fell asleep again and woke up an hour later when we got to the festival. They were whiney and timid all day. Everything scared them, and they wouldn’t eat anything. They just never fully woke up. I got them Civil War hats, but J would only wear it over his Indy Jones hat. We watched a little circus with two people in it. Tom really liked that. On the way home, they both fell asleep again. J started screaming and kicking in his sleep so bad and so long I had to get off the freeway and get him out of his seat to calm him down. Maybe they are coming down with a cold or something.
June 20 – Sunday Father’s Day
I stepped in to help run the sound at church today and I had lots of time to think. What was I thinking about? I was wondering why I am spending almost my whole weekend here doing this. I’ll go back a bit. Yesterday, I left for church at 6:30pm and got home at 10:30pm. I was helping get the new sanctuary ready for Sunday service. They asked for my help because I have worked with sound systems before and thought I’d be of use. It didn’t take that long to do the work, but the church is nearly an hour from my house, so that adds a couple hours of driving to any work I do. And it was in the evening. I had to miss dinner and bedtime.
This morning I left at 7:30am and got back at 12:30pm. It’s Father’s Day and I have my family to attend to, so I got home, gathered the family, and headed to my Aunt’s house.
So, here I am wondering what to do. I love this church. It’s the first one I’ve ever gone to regularly. I feel like I found the Lord here. I was baptized here. The people are nice, and I used to feel closer to them before this arrest thing. I feel like I’m losing my church to this. I know God is everywhere and there are nice people in churches right close to my home. I should start going to one of those. But what if I don’t feel the same there? What if it’s different? I used to feel so safe at this church. Now I just feel that I have skills they need but they don’t really trust me. I’m so confused right now. It’s something I really need to keep praying about.
June 21 – Monday
Playgroup was busy today! We had five families at the house! Afterward, my friend took T to the park while J and I took a nap. Then my Mom came over and we went to the grocery store for enchilada supplies. We had a very full table for dinner tonight! We played in the front yard until the nightly fireworks (one of the perks of living so close to Disneyland) and then went straight to bed. Pretty much a perfect day!
I am feeling a lot of stress about tomorrow’s court appearance. I hope I can get some sleep. Lots of prayers.
June 22 – Tuesday
One month later and it’s finally court day! I’m so blessed to have D! He is such a great husband and father. He helped me so much this morning by finding out where we were supposed to be and when. I just followed him and worked on keeping my anxiety under control. I kept my focus on breathing calmly, praying for peace and that this would end soon.
My lawyer was amazing to watch. I have a whole new understanding of Jesus as our advocate in heaven after watching him. The courtroom is intimidating. It’s big and there are so many people standing around waiting. There are rules and protocols I don’t understand. Everyone is in a hurry and worried. The moment my lawyer showed up, he took charge of the situation. I could feel the tension lessen. He told us what to do, where to go, what was happening, and how to deal with it. We were safe and assured in his instructions and knew that he would intercede on our behalf in front of the judge. As the court opened, he interacted with the judge as he would an old friend. We just stood near him. A few words were exchanged. And we left the courtroom. I’m still scared of what might happen, but after this day, I’m thanking God for the enlightenment.
My lawyer was hoping they would realize they had the wrong person and drop the charges on their own, but it looks like that’s not happening. The arraignment has been postponed for further discovery. We have another court date in a month. We have work to do.
To alleviate the stress, we picked up the family and went to Lake Arrowhead! I haven’t been up there in years. The kids played on a huge inflatable slide. C and I shopped. I got a present for my mom. There weren’t many trees or nice places to camp because of the fires earlier in the year. It was kind of sad, but it’s still such a beautiful area.